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> How I would remake Star Trek: Nemesis, How to make a bad movie good again
atozz
post Sep 18th 2006, 8:26 AM
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Watching the trailers I imagined it to be completely different. After watching this ultimate failure, I started figuring out how I would improve it. Today I have finally arrived at the final cut :-) Here it goes - jsut tell me what you think.

How I would remake Nemesis

In my story the clone of Picard looks exactly like him, not younger and does not have his own name. I shifted the name Shinzon to his Reman companion and the clone of Picard is simply referred to as ?Clone?. They do not overthrow the Romulan Praetor. The Romulan Empire does have a new Praetor but he is a regular Romulan. I have reused some bits of the movie but mainly tried to rearrange them to achieve maximum impact by very minimalist means.


(We are going to see a set of interwoven scenes ? those from the wedding and those from Romulan Senate.)

Fadein:

Picard (wedding): ?We have gathered here...?

Romulan Praetor (senate): ?...to put an end to a conflict between the Earth and Romulus that lasted for centuries.?

Picard (wedding): ?You are now...?

Admiral Janeway (senate): ?...partnering planets in neighbouring quadrants.?

Riker is kissing Troi. Troi disappears and so does the background. We can now see the holodeck grid.

Picard: ?Enough of these rehearsals, Number One. Deanna and you have a whole future for yourselves. Let us now go back to the present.?

Picard and Riker exit the holodeck. Picard taps his communicator:

?Mr Data, a Romulan warbird is in orbit around Earth?s Moon with a courtesy visit. We are going to beam aboard to meet a Romulan delegation and discuss some urgent matters.?

Data: ?Aye, sir. I?m on my way.?

We can see a rather gloomy interior of the vessel. Picard and Data beam in. They are surprised to see the deck almost empty. A Nosferatu-like humanoid emerges from the shadow:

?We are very glad you have arrived.?

A chair turns around in the background. A gradual close-up to the face of the man on the chair. It is a clone of Picard. The Clone starts talking:

?Especially you Mr Data.?

Clone pulls out a phaser and stuns Picard. Turns to Data:

?We have plans for you.?

Fadeout.

Fadein:

Data is strapped to a table. A panel open on his head. Clone is leaning over Data holding a cord with a plug:

?It is not advisable to remove this plug, Mr Data. If you do so, all your memory will be deleted. I highly recommend that you simply relax and obey.?

Picard connects the plug to the socket behind the panel in Data?s head. Data closes his eyes.

Transporter room. Geordi sees two individuals beaming in. The Clone apparently posing as Picard is accompanied by the ?Nosferatu? creature:

Geordi: ?Sir, where is Mr Data? And who is...?

Nosferatu turns a ring on his finger. Geordi changes his facial expression to a more friendly one:

?Welcome back, Mr Shinzon.?

Clone and Shinzon are in turbolift. Shinzon turns his ring once again. They enter bridge, Clone takes seat in captain?s chair. Shinzon proceeds to the helm with no resistance and assumes the position. Riker turns to Clone:

?How was the meeting, sir??

Clone: ?The Romulans asked us for a favour and the Federation agrees.?

Troi sitting next to Clone starts to feel a terrible headache. Clone turns to Troi:

?Deanna, are you alright? You may go to sickbay.?

Troi leaves. Clone turns to Shinzon:

?Mr Shinzon, set a course for L-374.?

Shinzon: ?Aye, sir. If we maintain warp 8, we will reach it in 12 hours.?

Close-up on Clone?s face:

?Make it so.?

Deanna is lying on her bed, sleeping. A close-up on her face. We can see she is dreaming about having a shower. She feels relaxed and enjoys it. Suddenly she notices a person behind the curtain. She moves it aside to see the man?s face ? it is ?Picard?.

Now we can see Clone sitting in captain?s quarters, a happy expression on his face. In a broader view we can see that Shinzon is holding his hands on Clone?s head. He is enjoying it too. Suddenly a beep is heared:

?Reed to captain Picard. We are entering the L-374 system, sir.?

Clone rises from his chair leaving Shinzon?s raised hands behind:

?I?m on my way.?

Clone enters bridge. On screen he sees a dark, elongated drifting object that occults background stars like a coalsack. Clone taps his communicator:

?Geordi, I guess we are ready to deploy the transmitter that you prepared.?

Geordi: ?Aye sir, I hope it sticks to its butt properly.?

Enterprise cargo bay opens and a small probe emerges. We can see it flying by the object which turns out to be a large cone with its slightly glowing orifice shaped like a maw. The probe attaches itself to the side wall and the glow becomes more intense. The cone is lit up. It turns blue and starts reorienting itself.

Clone turns to the ensign who replaced Shinzon at the helm:

?Mr Reed, we are leaving. Set a course for Vulcan.?

We are back in Earth?s system and see the warbird passing in front of Earth?s Moon. We get to look inside through one of its windows. We see Data still strapped to the table with his eyes closed. A closeup to his forehead ? we can see his thoughts. A blurred image of Picard speaking (flashback to a scene from ?Generations?):

?Data, I have nothing but sympathy for what you're going through. But right now, I need your full attention on the task at hand. If you can't provide it... then I'll have to relieve you of duty until Doctor Crusher can remove this emotion chip of yours. I'm sorry, but you leave me no other choice.?

We are back onboard Enterprise.

Reed: ?We are now in orbit around Vulcan, sir.?

Clone rises from captain?s chair. Starts talking with a hue of pride in his voice:

?I am Captain Jean Luc Picard...?

We now see him on a huge screen set up in a city on Vulcan, similar to those on Cardassia used by authorities to address their people.

?...of the USS Enterprise. On behalf of the new alliance between Earth and Romulus, the Federation treaty with Vulcan is thereby dissolved. Vulcan falls now under Romulan jurisdiction.?

We now see the cone-shaped object dropping out of warp over Vulcan. We can see how huge it is. Now back on Enterprise Ensign Reed turns to Clone:

?Sir, the cone positioned its rear end towards the Vulcan sun and the orifice faces the planet. It appears to accumulate solar energy.?

Clone: ?Yes... I... know.?


We now see Vulcans standing in a desert. The cone causes an artificial solar eclipse by casting its shadow on the desert and covering the Vulcan sun as seen from the ground. The sky turns dark in the middle of the day.

Now back to Data on the warbird. He now sees a blurred image of Spock talking (a flashback):

?The needs of many outweigh the needs of one.?

Now cut to Vulcan's high council, a leader speaks:

?Resistance would be illogical. We must evacuate.?

We now see Vulcan ships rapidly leaving the surface and Vulcan's orbit in large numbers. They pass by the cone which now starts to emit a a stream of energy from its ?maw? onto Vulcan. From ground's perspective, the remaining Vulcans see aurora-like glow in the sky that intensifies. It is followed by very strong wind. Suddenly the aurora disappears ? the atmosphere has been blown away by energetic particles of solar wind enhanced by the cone. Vulcans now standing in vacuum start suffocating and collapse in convulsions to be followed by paralysis. We can see that their bodies are now unnaturally swollen. Close-up to a Vulcan?s face. We can see green blood coming out of his frosted mouth.

Now back to Data. He now sees a blurred image of Spock talking (flashback to the moment preceeding Spock?s death in Star Trek II?):

?I am and always will be your friend.?

Now we see a broader view ? there is a huge cavity in Vulcan ? the planet has been stripped off its outer layer on the spot of contact with the energy beam and we can now see its glowing inner core. Suddenly a bright flash overwhelms the view.

Back on Enterprise. We can now see that Shinzon has joined the crew and Riker is sitting at Clone?s side. Shinzon suddenly appears to have some problems with his ring. All of the crew change their facial expression. Riker rises and stands in front of Clone. Close-up to Clone?s face ? he apparently feels uncomfortable. Riker turns to Clone:

?What have we just done??

Riker then turns and points at Shinzon:

?And who the hell is HE??

Shinzon dematerialises ? apparently beamed away.

Riker turns back to Clone, looking at him in a hostile way:

?Computer, locate Captain Picard.?

Computer: ?Captain Picard is on the bridge...? A brief pause. ?...and in brig 10.?

Clone is surrounded by security and forced into turbolift. Riker joins them on their way to brig. They now stand in front of the real Picard lying unconscious behind the force field. Suddenly Clone runs to the force field. He is shot by the security on the back and dies. Force field drops. Medical officer infuses the real Picard who now regains consciousness, rises and approaches the Clone?s body lying on the floor. He turns him over to see his face and stares at it feeling uncomfortable.

Fadeout.

Fade in.

Picard and Riker on the bridge. Reed reports:

?Vulcan has been completely destroyed. Our sensors only pick up an asteroid belt forming out of the debris. The cone has stopped after feeding on the material. However...? A brief pause. ?Sir, now it is reorienting itself again.?

Picard: ?Mr Reed, plot a course where it is heading.?

A cartographic diagram appears on the screen with Vulcan, cone and its path plotted.

Riker turns toward Picard:

?Earth?.

Picard starts pondering, then turns to Riker:

?I believe Data is still in Moon?s orbit commanding that thing, correct??

Riker: ?Positive.?

Picard: ?I guess the Romulans leave us no other choice.?

We now see Picard grabbing the cord attached to Data?s head. He sighs and pulls it in one rapid move. Data opens his eyes and starts talking, finishing in an altered, machine-shutdown-like voice:

?Thank you, sirrrrrr...?

Fadeout.

Fadein.

Sickbay. Riker is leaning over Troi (sitting). The door opens. They stop talking. Picard enters. Troi notices him and turns her head away silently, covering her face with her hands.

Picard: ?We can still undo what he has done.?

Back on bridge. Picard storms in:

?Mr Reed, set a course for the Portal Planet.?

Riker: ?Is it not the planet with the Guardian in the City on the Edge of Forever??

Picard: ?Yes, the hell it is.?

Riker: ?Sir, are you aware that it had been classified and is now surrounded by a force field to prevent any landing parties from beaming onto the surface??

Picard: ?Yes... I... know.? Brief pause. (He says that just like the Clone did casuing some concern in Riker and the crew). ?But we are not going to BEAM there.?

We see Enterprise flying very low over the planet causing sparks in the forcefield from time to time. Cargo bay opens and a pressurised wheeled vehicle emerges. It falls freely onto the planet until the parachute deploys and retro-engine fires underneath it. We now see Picard driving, accompanied by Riker and Worf. They step out of the car and stand in front of the Guardian. Worf approaches Picard:

?Captain, are you going to warn Vulcans??

Picard: ?No, Mr Worf. I am going to warn myself.?

A broader view of the three. Fadeout.

THE END


Trailer:

?A failed friendship...?

(Picard announcing Romulan jurisdiction over Vulcan)

?A great sacrifice...?

(Picard pulling the cord out of Data's head)

?A villain worst of all...?

(Clone firing phaser ? from the take where he stuns Picard)

See how they find their ultimate Nemesis. Coming to movie theater near you.

This post has been edited by atozz: Sep 18th 2006, 8:29 AM
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Parmenides
post Sep 18th 2006, 9:13 AM
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Interesting. Um, what is the City on the Edge of Forever? I'm not that big a trekkie...

I never really saw what was wrong with Nemesis in the first place...but meh, I have low standards. I like how you did something huge, like destroying Vulcan - I like films that aren't afraid to mess things up, irreversibly.
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atozz
post Sep 18th 2006, 9:59 AM
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Hi and thanks, I am not that much of a Trekkie either, I just watched them and enjoyed them a lot before I switched to Stargate. But I still enjoy doing a Trek fanfic once in a while.

As for the City on the Edge of Forever, it is somewhat like a stargate but with an added time component to it and an AI interface instead of the DHD.

Trek Gate ;-)

The Original Series 1x28 (starring Joan Collins LOL)

The Animated Series 1x02

And this is what the "cone" looks like:

Doomsday Machine

The Original Series 2x06
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cosmos
post Sep 19th 2006, 1:17 PM
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I liked Nemesis. Not my favourite Star Trek movie but enjoyable. Memorable scenes the Enterprise rams the pradator ship and Data and B4 singing the same song, implying that Data has survived in the same way a parent does by his child.

The only thing that I have found at fault with the Star Trek movies and over the years tiresome is how they don't allow for the assistance of the Federation. In fact for every disaster they are the only ones to become involved with what appears to be a top priority disaster. Come one there is a whole galaxy in their Federation more or less.

If I could change one thing about Nemesis, it would have been the following. The Federation fleet that was awaiting the Enterprise to arrive, figures out E is in trouble and arrives in time to provide assistance in the green nebulae. (Not changing the result)

Just that and the movie would have been different than all its predecessors and better for it in my opinion.
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michael
post Sep 23rd 2006, 3:48 PM
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I liked nemisis just the way it is... maybe you should write that as a book?
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atozz
post Oct 11th 2006, 8:07 AM
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It seems too short to be made into a book. I'd rather have it made into a fan movie.
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